who am I?

 You might find it hard to believe, but in the span of 2.5 years, I lost my dad, my 50 year old brother, my mom, and my 16 year old son.  I am the only survivor of the family that I was born into.  The first three left me broken, but the loss of my only child left me demolished. 

What is my identity now?  Who am I?  A question that often plagues me.  I'm still the wife of Joe Karr and for that I am grateful!  I will always be the daughter of Dave and Deanna Dow and the sister of Dan Dow.  Why is it that I question whether I am still mom to Christopher Karr?  I gave birth to him on November 17, 2006 and carried him everywhere with me for 9 months before that.  How is that negated by his untimely death?  It isn't.  I will always be Christopher's Mama Bear.  Forever.  I just don't get to love him here on earth anymore.  

My greatest joy and purpose in life is being Christopher's mom.  He is my miracle boy.  A gift from God that I will forever be grateful for.  I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant, but God gave me the best gift when He gave me Christopher.  I wasn't a perfect mom, but I don't have many regrets.  I loved being Christopher's mom, and I feel lost without that purpose to fulfill.

The morning of July 2, 2023 was a pivotal time.  I will never be the person I was before Christopher's accident.  I lost Christopher's presence in my life here on earth, but I also lost myself.  I lost my dreams and my hopes and my plans for the future.  

But God.  He is still good.  He still loves me.  He still has a plan for my life.  And I still get to spend eternity with Him and my son and the rest of my family.  It is a gift of God's grace that I KNOW that my son, my parents, and my brother received Jesus' gift of eternal life with Him while they were here on earth.  

My prayer each day is, "God, show me your purpose for me today.  Use me.  I want to finish my race so that I can come home.  Come, Jesus, come."  I know who I am.  I am a child of God who still has a purpose to fulfill.  I am grateful to be His child.  I couldn't walk this journey without Him.  I am clinging to this identity and keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus and the finish line.  Every day is a day closer to that glorious reunion!


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